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| "David Taylor" |
07:37 |
14/06/2007 |
|
Hi. First to introduce myself. David. Just paid my membership dues a couple
of weeks ago after attending the four day intro course at BRIEF with Evan.
I¹m a mid-life career changer (from the internet boom into counselling ...
giving something back and all that) now working in primary care adult
psychology in Kingston. And ahhhh!! finally an approach I can really get to
grips with. Scientifically, philosophically, practically, stylistically.
Sooo... have been busy the past couple of weeks shifting all my clients
mid-contract to questions, questions, questions. And am sensing that I may
be a born ?frame manipulator¹ as Evan put it on the course. May have to hang
a little trumpet round my neck. And wow what a difference I¹m finding.
(Reading some of the transcripts I notice you say WOW a lot...). Already two
or three clients transformed! They¹re walking in the next week all bright
and bouncy. Talk about miracles!!
Anyway, I¹m going about sorting out some initial supervision but in the
meantime you seem like a really nice and supportive bunch and I wondered if
I might impose on you for a little advice with one chap who¹s proving a
little more tricky.
?Angry man¹ I call him. Early thirties and seems he¹s been angry all his
life. A particular traumatic event in his teens consolidated a pattern that
may already have been set in place. I won¹t go any more into his background,
but suffice to say that I sense that this lifelong learning explains his
difficulty with visualising a preferred future, i.e. perhaps it¹s because he
has absolutely no experience of feeling and acting any way other than the
way he does now. I¹ve managed to squeeze a few generalisations out of him ~
less stressed, happier, nicer to be around ~ but when I try to help him to
expand on this in terms of specifics (i.e. the miracle question, how would
that be different, what would other people notice, at work, at home, in your
social life, etc.) I get ?dunno, pass¹, ?dunno, pass¹, or simply a series of
blank stares. So I patiently re-phrase, reflect back the positives, past
successes, help him to examine exceptions. But still no budging on the what
else, what else, what else. I want to get to 20 or 30 but we¹re stuck at two
or three. And even they remain vague.
I¹ve made a little bit of ground I think over the past couple of weeks in
that already he's getting on better with his girlfriend, but I¹d really like
to help him to get IMAGINING. Which as a novice I see as being what it¹s
all about. Imagination, hope, belief.
So what do you guys (in the all-inclusive American sense) do in this kind of
situation? How exactly do you squeeze water from a stone?
Hope you all have a fab time at the conference this weekend. And that most
of you manage to remain upright.
With best wishes,
David
|
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| "craig osment" |
08:42 |
14/06/2007 |
|
hi all,
really like that multi sense stuff Mark, it figures that change when it
happens affects more than just visible behaviour and actions, but also
how we experience/sense everything differently or notice more (or less)
about the world depending on our levels of happiness.
In response to David, In my SF work I have had greater success, I have
to say, by not being tempted to let what I want for the client get in
the way of the client's best hopes.
When you have an agenda, (and really we all do, we hope to bring about
positive change) it is very easy to become frustrated that you are not
being successful. (I fight with this everyday) I count a number of
exceptions in your post to 'stuckness,' /
'less stressed, happier, getting on better with girlfriend, 'few
generalizations' '2 or 3' I've made some ground over the last few weeks.
Etc.......'
I/* also notice many exceptions to your comments, David about being a
novice.../ 'reflecting back , patiently rephrasing'/ you have humility
and patience in your work, */
/*For me these 'bits' are what we are listening for in SF work all the
time, it is the /main/ bit of the work I think, the 'real, solid
exceptions that people do every day in their problem free lives. We have
a task as their helpers to try and help 'grow' these little gems. But
the clients do the work and the growth will only be as much as they have
told us they want to get out of this. If we go beyond that we get into
our own best hopes too much perhaps, we want to crack it, be successes,
fix people.
I think your client has moved forwards quite a few paces, keep working
with those tiny steps I reckon.
Best wishes and welcome to the list.
Craig
*
Mark Allenby wrote:
> Hi David,
>
> welcome to the list.
>
> Let me begin by saying this reply isn't necessarily
> pure SFT, it does involve a little 'expert' thinking.
>
> I think imagination is an interesting word. It's root
> is clear in the image, so it is to picture. But I, for
> example, am not a good image-maker (and those of you
> who have seen the way I dress will whole heartedly
> agree). So perhaps we sometimes need to use more than
> imagination when using the miracle question.
>
> We can use other senses. What will you and others
> sound like after the miracle? How will your body feel
> differently? As you walk around in your preferred
> future take a deep breath, what can you smell? I like
> to call this 'synesthation', from the idea of
> synesthesia, the overlap of one sense into another.
>
> Sometimes we can use words, being less sensory
> specific. Perhaps write a CV for a future self or even
> a funeral oration.
>
> A phrase that has been used a lot on the list over the
> years is 'trust the process', stick very close to what
> the person wants to get from meeting with you and what
> they are doing that is 'working.'
>
> Finally, we cannot help all people reach their
> preferred futures. That is no reflection of us, them
> or the model. Life can be like that. Perhaps the time
> isn't right, or they is some other mismatch between
> you, them, life and SFT.
>
> Help some, harm none, respect all!
>
> Finally observation. I did my initial training in
> 1995, I've read lots and been on a number of follow up
> courses, and I'm still a novice. My guess is that
> Chris, Evan, Jane, etc at BRIEF will also say
> something similar.
>
> Hope that makes some kind of sense.
>
> Mark
>
> --- David Taylor wrote:
>
>
>> Anyway, I¹m going about sorting out some initial
>>
> supervision but in the meantime you seem like a really
> nice and supportive bunch and I wondered if I might
> impose on you for a little advice with one chap who¹s
> proving a little more tricky.
>
> ?Angry man¹ I call him. Early thirties and seems he¹s
> been angry all his life. A particular traumatic event
> in his teens consolidated a pattern that may already
> have been set in place. I won¹t go any more into his
> background, but suffice to say that I sense that this
> lifelong learning explains his difficulty with
> visualising a preferred future, i.e. perhaps it¹s
> because he has absolutely no experience of feeling and
> acting any way other than the way he does now. I¹ve
> managed to squeeze a few generalisations out of him ~
> less stressed, happier, nicer to be around ~ but when
> I try to help him to I expand on this in terms of
> specifics (i.e. the miracle question, how would that
> be different, what would other people notice, at work,
> at home, in your social life, etc.) I get ?dunno,
> pass¹, ?dunno, pass¹, or simply a series of blank
> stares. So I patiently re-phrase, reflect back the
> positives, past successes, help him to examine
> exceptions. But still no budging on the what else,
> what else, what else. I want to get to 20 or 30 but
> we¹re stuck at two or three. And even they remain
> vague.
>
>> I¹ve made a little bit of ground I think over the
>>
> past couple of weeks in that already he's getting on
> better with his girlfriend, but I¹d really like to
> help him to get IMAGINING. Which as a novice I see as
> being what it¹s all about. Imagination, hope, belief.
>
>> So what do you guys (in the all-inclusive American
>>
> sense) do in this kind of situation? How exactly do
> you squeeze water from a stone?
>
>> Hope you all have a fab time at the conference this
>>
> weekend. And that most of you manage to remain
> upright.
>
>> With best wishes,
>>
>> David
>>
>>
>
>
>
> ___________________________________________________________
> Yahoo! Mail is the world's favourite email. Don't settle for less, sign up for
> your free account today http://uk.rd.yahoo.com/evt=44106/*http://uk.docs.yahoo.com/mail/winter07.html
>
>
)
|
|
| "Mark Allenby" |
08:07 |
14/06/2007 |
|
Hi David,
welcome to the list.
Let me begin by saying this reply isn't necessarily
pure SFT, it does involve a little 'expert' thinking.
I think imagination is an interesting word. It's root
is clear in the image, so it is to picture. But I, for
example, am not a good image-maker (and those of you
who have seen the way I dress will whole heartedly
agree). So perhaps we sometimes need to use more than
imagination when using the miracle question.
We can use other senses. What will you and others
sound like after the miracle? How will your body feel
differently? As you walk around in your preferred
future take a deep breath, what can you smell? I like
to call this 'synesthation', from the idea of
synesthesia, the overlap of one sense into another.
Sometimes we can use words, being less sensory
specific. Perhaps write a CV for a future self or even
a funeral oration.
A phrase that has been used a lot on the list over the
years is 'trust the process', stick very close to what
the person wants to get from meeting with you and what
they are doing that is 'working.'
Finally, we cannot help all people reach their
preferred futures. That is no reflection of us, them
or the model. Life can be like that. Perhaps the time
isn't right, or they is some other mismatch between
you, them, life and SFT.
Help some, harm none, respect all!
Finally observation. I did my initial training in
1995, I've read lots and been on a number of follow up
courses, and I'm still a novice. My guess is that
Chris, Evan, Jane, etc at BRIEF will also say
something similar.
Hope that makes some kind of sense.
Mark
--- David Taylor wrote:
> Anyway, I¹m going about sorting out some initial
supervision but in the meantime you seem like a really
nice and supportive bunch and I wondered if I might
impose on you for a little advice with one chap who¹s
proving a little more tricky.
>
?Angry man¹ I call him. Early thirties and seems he¹s
been angry all his life. A particular traumatic event
in his teens consolidated a pattern that may already
have been set in place. I won¹t go any more into his
background, but suffice to say that I sense that this
lifelong learning explains his difficulty with
visualising a preferred future, i.e. perhaps it¹s
because he has absolutely no experience of feeling and
acting any way other than the way he does now. I¹ve
managed to squeeze a few generalisations out of him ~
less stressed, happier, nicer to be around ~ but when
I try to help him to I expand on this in terms of
specifics (i.e. the miracle question, how would that
be different, what would other people notice, at work,
at home, in your social life, etc.) I get ?dunno,
pass¹, ?dunno, pass¹, or simply a series of blank
stares. So I patiently re-phrase, reflect back the
positives, past successes, help him to examine
exceptions. But still no budging on the what else,
what else, what else. I want to get to 20 or 30 but
we¹re stuck at two or three. And even they remain
vague.
>
> I¹ve made a little bit of ground I think over the
past couple of weeks in that already he's getting on
better with his girlfriend, but I¹d really like to
help him to get IMAGINING. Which as a novice I see as
being what it¹s all about. Imagination, hope, belief.
>
> So what do you guys (in the all-inclusive American
sense) do in this kind of situation? How exactly do
you squeeze water from a stone?
>
> Hope you all have a fab time at the conference this
weekend. And that most of you manage to remain
upright.
>
> With best wishes,
>
> David
>
___________________________________________________________
Yahoo! Mail is the world's favourite email. Don't settle for less, sign up for
your free account today http://uk.rd.yahoo.com/evt=44106/*http://uk.docs.yahoo.com/mail/winter07.html
)
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